ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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