Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize