I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
