I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
