Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize