Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
