I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
