The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
is that a dick in a sweater?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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