but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
