i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
