Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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