The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize