There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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