May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
