Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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