Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
