Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
