I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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