jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
