Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
