Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
