im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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