I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
