Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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