so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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