Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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