I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I FOUND THE LEGS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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