Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
