you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
