Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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