I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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