South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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