i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I deserve this hangover.
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