Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
