clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
