I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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