I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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