I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
