eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
