I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
