I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
