I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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