Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
