What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
