Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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