she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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