To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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