they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
