I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
