better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My ass is underappreciated
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
