Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
