12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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