Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
