You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize