im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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