fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
