Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
