I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
