yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
