As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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