the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
