Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
