Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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