He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
