I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
