I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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