she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
