I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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