I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
