I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
