dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
