thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
