That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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