Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
