why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
