Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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