Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
