I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
