I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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