Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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