Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
