he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i am craving dick and cupcakes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
