We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
