I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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