Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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