batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize