That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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