we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
