Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
