Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
