Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
