i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
