apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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