A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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