Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
there is glitter all over my balls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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