im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
