you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
