If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
