Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize